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Planning Your First Ever BDSM Session

By Asmi

So this time, I bring you practical experiences people. No gyaan, no pravachan, but sizzling, sensuous, games of Dominance, Control, Pain and Pleasure for you, my friends! This article is especially for people who have been watching from the fringes and are curious to experiment with dominance play and more. For those of you who want your first taste with your partner and are not sure where to begin or how far to go, let me help you design your first basic, simple BDSM session.

Untitled design-8

 

Different stages of a BDSM session

Ideally, any session has a few stages - discussion and negotiation, actual session, aftercare and post-session analysis. The ideal recipe for planning your first BDSM session contains the following ingredients:

  • Two or more willing and consensual partners (prefer two initially)
  • Some BDSM sex toys (regarding the sex toys, they can be purchased or DIY, the preference is yours. I will advise extreme caution on quality and reliability, and will link some toys I have liked in the past.)
  • Some ambience paraphernalia
  • Some excitement
  • Lots of caution
  • Sprinkle a bit of naughtiness
  • Add a very healthy dose of respect and communication

You may want to add some fetish wear or costumes to your first BDSM session as well, but they are NOT at all necessary, your skins are great!

 

woman with leather flogger

 

Stage 1: Discussion and Negotiation

For your first BDSM session, do NOT be in a hurry. Discuss your dislikes and likes a lot. Discuss your dislikes even more than likes, because none of you wants to feel like your boundaries have been breached at any point, or to feel extreme discomfort during your first BDSM session. This is also the time to ensure that you discuss your safe words, limits, hard limits. For instance, sex talk in Hindi is a total turn off for me but a turn on for a lot of people I know. Unless I tell them it’s a deal breaker, I can’t expect them to know.

I suggest you keep the first session very mild, mostly on the level of sensation rather than hardcore activity.  Then you can slowly and gradually increase the intensity of play, change the sex toys you use, indulge in newer or fewer activities, based on how you feel about it. This is also the premise on which I will build your scene in the next section of this article.

 

couple kissing passionately In bed

 

Stage 2: Activity

Begin with blindfolding your partner with a satin blindfold or simply with a scarf or a tie. Gentle caressing of your partner’s body will lead to goose bumps you’ve probably never seen before. Move on to the feather tickler. It allows you the leeway to be farther than their obvious reach and slowly build their anticipation on. An occasional smack or two with your flat hand is a good change of pace and sensation. You can then safely move on to a not so heavy flogger, whip or spanking paddle, especially on the upper back and the butt region. You could combine this with kisses or gentle stimulation of your partner and keep teasing them and then denying them. You could also combine this with stimulation through sex toys like vibrators and massagers (mostly for women) as well as stimulation sleeves, fleshlights and other sex toys for men. There are sex toys available in India online for both genders. The trick is to keep bringing your partner to the edge of orgasm, then pause, repeat and so on. This practice is called edging and one of the most basic yet most effective plays in BDSM. You will discover how much fun is it to be able to actually explode in ecstasy after holding off. Whether your session ends with steamy sex or not is something I will let you guys figure out...

 

sensual couple

 

Stage 3: Aftercare

  1. Slow and steady. Don’t pull off blindfolds in a jerky manner. Do not speak too loudly. Sometimes, first timers can start weeping or go very quiet. Do not panic! Whisper away to them or hold them gently. As long as they are nodding, whispering, talking, conscious, able to move their body parts without cramping, you are both fine. Ideally, we haven’t included bondage yet, so it should be no problem at all.
  2. Keep a basic first aid kit handy. This should have some sort of salve, aloe gel works well for me personally.You could also choose an ointment or massage oils, though water based ointments DO work better on tantalized skin.
  3. Lots of fluids, water, juices or salt&sweet lime soda should also be good. The idea is to replenish the body which starts feeling dehydrated after an intense experience.
  4. Some cuddle time or a gentle massage can do wonders.
  5. In rare cases and intense experiences, you may want to be available as friends for a day or two.

 

man with blindfold

 

Stage 4: Analysis after the session

Best time to do it, a day or two later. Immediately after the session or aftercare, is not ideal for analysis. Subs are often in a subdrop. Doms are often on high, emotions, hormones and sensations can be overwhelming, like really. Please be honest about your feelings, share what worked, what didn’t, what you would want to avoid, what you would want to take a notch higher etc.

Tips for planning your first BDSM session

For any BDSM session you're planning, NEVER forget these rules:

  • No intoxication of ANY sort whatsoever.
  • Feel FREE TO use your safe word if you need it. This applies to Doms as well as subs because they can both have limits and use safe words. Even if you end up using the safe word seemingly too soon, it’s OK! There’s always a next time and you’d be better safe than sorry.
  • No judgments please. If your partner uses safe words, don’t go around calling them a chicken, or a wimp, or other such stuff. If you cannot respect your partner, why even play with them in the first place?
  • Safe sex is the way to go if you want to include sex.
  • Stay and keep your partner hydrated.
  • Clean the sex toys well with warm water and soap, specially the more intimate ones, after using them.

On a closing note, stay well, play safe and do share with us if you enjoyed trying some of these things. Also do tell us more about your first session, if you plan it differently. Most importantly, have fun!

Written by Asmi Uniqus

 

Tags: Sex tips, BDSM