Finding a kinky partner into BDSM is one of the most common questions I receive from my Indian readers and my audience where I’m a speaker. While there’s no black-and-white answer, and what works for me may never work for other people; I do understand why this question is so urgent, especially in a country like India where the BDSM community is less visible.
Most of the people who ask this question are already kinky and are looking for a kinky partner, or they want to experiment with bondage and are looking for like-minded folks to connect with.
Now here’s what I and others did to find a kinky partner in India. I do not know if this will work for all of you curious souls out there, but I hope it does.
Let's first look at where you can find a kinky partner. Everywhere. Period. I have found kinksters online, in my poetry group, in music forums, at work, at social networking events, on Tinder, and everywhere else. There are also fetish forums and kink networking websites online. There's Fetlife. There's Reddit and other channels. Popping into OKCupid can be useful as well. Various Facebook pages are also dedicated to different kinks and fetishes to suit your interests. There are groups to look into: Indian kink collective, Naughty India, and Real Indian Kinksters. So Google baba shall help you, I promise.
Compatibility is always an important issue in any sexual relationship, and for those with an interest in kink and BDSM, there can be even greater pressure to find someone with similar interests, e.g. who has the same fetish or who's a Dom or a Sub. First, decide what you want from the relationship and in which ways you are open to experimentation. As with all relationships, flexibility is key. Demanding a 100% perfect match is unrealistic. Keep an open mind and make it your goal to find someone who's fun and sexy and who you feel comfortable and safe around.
Once you know where to find like-minded people who are into BDSM like you are, the next question is how! On kink-related websites, it’s easy to connect. People there are curious, if not fully experienced. A good tip is to be polite, pleasant and treat people the same way as you would at any social function. Just because we kinksters are open about our identities, it doesn’t mean we want to fuck all the time. It doesn’t mean women there are sluts or men abusers. We treat people well and hope to be treated well too. Most of us are nice people; we simply want to connect with others who have a kinky side. We don’t have fangs, and we don’t bite unless consensually!
The trickier connects are those that are made in the not-so-openly-kinky spaces - especially in India, where there are so many taboos around sexuality and pleasure. So, if you meet people at a networking event and you like someone, how do you ask them if they are interested in kink?
Well, you tell them that you read some popular fiction work on kink. You liked/did not like it; then you reached the kinky section of Lovetreat's blog and discovered some great articles. Now you're curious about some stuff this woman Asmi talks about and would like to know if your date/connect likes something similar.
TThey may like it, or they may not, but I promise you, they will not run away calling you a freak! At best, they will say, hell yeah! At worst, no, thank you! I promise they will not frown, judge or be rude to your face for sure. I know it can be especially tough for men, thanks to the skewed gender ratio, but do not let that disappoint you.
Asmi Uniqus is an active BDSM practitioner and lifestyle coach based in India. She has been a lifestyle submissive for over 10 years now and is very vocal about her lifestyle choices. She believes in self–empowerment through empowerment of others; has a wide experience of writing both poetry and prose around themes of feminism, LGBT, sexuality and erotica. She has also been very active in several real-world BDSM communities and has close connections with a wide spectrum of other practitioners both in India and globally. The speaker is also the author of a series of simplified guides to various aspects of BDSM, which are undergoing the publishing process. She can be reached on Facebook or via email at: asmi.uniqus@gmail.com